


Tears Must Be Cried

by DoctorsOrders



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Blind Character, Blindness, Comfort/Angst, Coping, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Flash Fic, Guilt, M/M, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-03-10
Packaged: 2018-01-15 05:24:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1292983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorsOrders/pseuds/DoctorsOrders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim goes blind from an alien bacteria during the five year mission. A year later, he's still having trouble coping, and Leonard is consumed with the guilt of not being able to fix it. They need each other desperately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tears Must Be Cried

**Author's Note:**

> This is completely unprompted, I don't have an excuse for this amount of sad. What can I say, if you ship McKirk, you've obviously a little bit of a masochist. 
> 
> Unbeta'd. 
> 
> (Originally posted to my tumblr)

“Bones?" Jim says, jerking his head, as the door swishes closed, his PADD falling into his lap. 

"Who else, darlin'?" Leonard answers with a small smile tugging at his lips. 

Leonard sits down on the couch with Jim to pull off his boots, halfway through doing so he looks up at Jim, and sees tears running down his face.  “Jim? Oh hey, sweetheart no, what is it?” He cups Jim’s face in his palm, his thumb brushing at the steady stream of tears. 

“I could _hear_ your smile,” Jim says, his voice cracking, “I could hear it, and I just…I’m never going to get to see it again.” Jim’s hand, grips at the wrist of the hand that’s on his cheek, “I’m never going to get to see _you_ again Bones.” 

“…Jim,” Leonard starts, it kills him when Jim gets like this, when there’s nothing he can do or say. What could he say anyway, that it’s okay? He knows it’s not and he knows saying so will only upset Jim more. So Leonard doesn’t say anything, he just pulls Jim against his chest, and holds him close. 

There’s nothing he can say that he hasn’t already said a million times, ‘maybe when we get back to Earth they’ll have made a breakthrough, science these days is amazing.’ Leonard wants it to be true more than anything, he just wants Jim to stop hurting. He wants to be able to make it better, but despite all his efforts, he can’t seem to fix this.

It should be as simple as regenerating the optic nerves, but the alien bacteria that’s causing the blindness is heavily resistant, and seems to only multiply with the regen unit. Jim is, of course, allergic to every element in the internal regrowth hypo, and Leonard has spent countless hours synthesizing something else, every time he has a free second, he mixes up a new formula, but thus far, to no avail. He’s a doctor, but Jim needs a miracle worker.

“Sometimes, when I wake up and everything’s black,” Jim starts, his voice hollow, “I think, ‘you just have to open your eyes now Jim,’ but I already have, and there’s nothing there, not even the stars,” Jim’s head angles up, his eyes are still that shining blue, but they’re unfocused, with none of Jim’s playful glow in them anymore. “I get why you’re scared of the black now, Bones…but honestly, I wish I didn’t.”

Leonard can feel his heart breaking all over again, of all the people this could have happened to, Jim Kirk deserved it the least. “Can I kiss you darlin’?” he asks. Jim’s brow creases when he asks, a fresh well of tears threaten to spill over. He knows Jim isn’t thrilled that he asks before doing anything now, but Leonard hates to feel like he’s taking advantage, even by just taking a kiss. He doesn’t want to take anything Jim doesn’t want to give. 

“I don’t know why you even bother with me,” Jim spits out, his tone warped, cold, “Broken and ruined, just a waste of space on my ship that I can’t even captain…” 

“Darlin’, you could never be a waste of space.” Leonard presses his forehead to Jim’s, his hand resting on Jim’s neck. “Space is lucky to have you…I’m lucky to have you.” 

There’s a whimper in the back of Jim’s throat as the tears streak down his face. He surges forward, closing the few inches between them, his lips crashing into Leonard’s. He can feel Jim’s tears on his cheeks and Leonard kisses him softly, running his tongue across Jim’s bottom lip caught between his own. Jim kisses him back with a desperate intensity, all hurt, and pain, and need, hopelessly clinging to Leonard, like he’s the only thing that could keep Jim afloat…and maybe he is. 

Jim pulls away, breathing ragged, his head dropping to Leonard’s shoulder. “Bones, don’t leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Jim.”

Jim’s hands clench the fabric of Leonard’s shirt as he begs, “Please don’t leave me Bones…please.” the last word comes out as a whisper. 

“Oh darlin’,” Leonard says as he runs his hand through Jim’s hair, “wild horses couldn’t keep me away from you.” He’s not sure if it’s his or Jim’s when a tear splashes against his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Also on my tumblr:  
> http://toboldlyknow.tumblr.com/post/79115246545/bones-jim-says-jerking-his-head-as-the-door


End file.
